You walked into my life without my permission, without hesitation; young, alive and innocent.
Hope and trust in hand, kindness and unknowing in your eyes.
It was the beginning of something beautiful that, at the time, I was too young to know,
that it’d be something I’d want all my life that I’d never want to let go.
Had I’d known that day that things would end up this way, never would I have taken your hand,
Only for things to end that way, leaving me f***ed up and lacking and feeling as if I lost the person I am.
Although in all honesty without you I may have never turned out to be the wonderful person I am today.
Still there’s much I long to say, knowing it makes no difference, I choke it up as me being stuck in the past and somewhat begging that we could fix this and I could convince you to stay.
As for what we had means nothing to you anymore, for me it remains a memory forever always.
To me it meant so much more that I even considered making it a public display.
The way it happened I was far too young, how was I to know that I’d be making a mistake?
To let the one person I knew I’d ever love, get up and let me push them away.
Lurking deep in the shadows of my subconscious, it gnaws and demands to be acknowledged.
But knowing the consequences in the end, it’d be emotional suicide to attempt to speak out on.
Yet the memory of your beauty and grace makes this challenge even harder to bear.
And even worse it makes the love we once shared even harder to forget and erase.
Even though I could never make you understand, my heart never really was much of a quitter.
I wish I could apologize and explain and make this all much clearer.
The late night phone calls, and showing up at my door.
Knocking on my windows, at a quarter to 4.
It never helped the case, it only led me on and began a new cat chase.
Still even then I could never turn my back on you, my heart just won’t let you go.
Only because there’s one answer to this one question that I just need to know.
After all these years if you don’t love me, why is it when you’re drunk you insist on saying so?
Shotgun Jane Sezz 